Here, for your reading pleasure, is a list of people that I hold near and dear, that I tolerate, and that I would gladly let loose a plague of irrate pigeons on if I could.

Laney: My nearest and dearest friend. My sistah from another mistah. We've lived together for two years, and have managed to be the exception to the Friends Shouldn't Live With Friends Rule. I've known her since tenth grade, and every year, she's more awesome then the last. The best.

Pam: Or "P". She was my room mate last year, and she's still a really good friend, though she lives off campus now. My ally in Smallville geekdom. She's helped me through many a tough time, and I owe her scads of cash from many dinners she treated me to during the summer when I had no money. She also takes me grocery shopping every week, even when she doesn't need anything. Which makes her my hero.

Chuck: Laney's boyfriend of almost four years. They are the Uber Couple. He's a fantastic guy. Strange, funny, and annoying in an endearing sort of way. I think if he and Laney ever broke up, it would be equivalent to if my parents divorced. He rocks.

Anne: My other best friend from high school. She moved to this city the same year I did, but dropped out of school shortly afterwards. She now lives back home with her boyfriend, The Kid, and their adorable new baby boy. She's one of the funniest girls I know, and I miss her dearly every day. She's my favourite sounding board, and she's got a mouth like a sailor.

The Kid: Cool guy, but he doesn't treat Anne well enough. A connoisseur of the cheeba, to a disturbing extent. I like him on a superficial, he's-funny level, but it makes me mad that he's a crappy boyfriend. He is, however, my brotha from anotha motha.

Bijou: Other room mate from last year. She's the cutest thing you'll ever meet. Lives in Edmonton now, but she still comes to party it up with us once in a while. She shares my dream of moving to London.

WB #2: She's my most outrageous friend. She moved to Toronto in the summer, and I miss her awesome fashion sense and killer personality. If I were a lesbian, I'd totally make out with her.

Hans: One of Chuck's room mates. The one I like.

Midget: One of Chuck's room mates. The one I absolutely hate.

Ash: P's sister. She's my favourite person to bitch about other people with. She brings out my vicious, catty side, and I love it.

Mom: My mother. Obviously.

Dad: Come now, my silly.

Cat: My younger sister. She used to drive me batshit crazy when I lived at home, but she's turned out to be a pretty cool girl. I'll never tell her that to her face, though. No, it's much more fun to make fun of her bum.

Monkey: My youngest sister. She is adorableness wrapped in a package of fun. I love her to bits and pieces. Much fun is to be had playing spies and watching movies with her.

JD: My brother. A strange creature, who rarely emerges from his cave of a room, as that would require NOT playing video games. He's cool, though, in his own special way.

Bond and Kiki: My room mates from first semester. Complete fucking retards. Never did any cleaning of any sort, and engaged in lesbian tickle fights in their rooms at two in the morning. At least, that's what it sounded like to me. Stupid, stupid, STUPID pair of fucktards.

Tab and Dim: My two new room mates. Haven't really sussed them out yet. They're both a bit weird, and Dim is a bit, well, dim. They seem nice enough, though.

Michael: The really, achingly good-looking guy that works at the market down the street. He's really smiley and friendly with me. I suspect that he loves me. I also suspect that he may be married, due to the ring on his finger, but until I receive conformation of this, I shall continue to flirt with him.

There are plenty more, of course, but I think those are the ones I'm more likely to mention.

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Miss Black also contributes to a David Anders/Sark site under the name Chaton Espion. Feel free to visit her there if you'd like to witness the terrifying depths of obsession.