To: Student Loan Representative

From: an irritated, slowly starving borrower

Deposit my money. Sooner rather than later, if you please. Because as much as I enjoy watching my food cupboards slowly empty, and surviving on nothing but soup, saltines, and month old maragritas, I'd like very much to buy groceries in the near future. Also, and I know this might sound loony, but part of my going to school requires buying textbooks. They're sort of essential to the entire learning process. Crazy, I know.

And if you've come across an unforeseen obstacle in depositing said money, good luck trying to phone me, as I've been unable to pay the phone bill, and the phone company has cut me off. I blame you entirely. Well, and Telus, for being so umsypathetic to my plight. Thanks very much for that.

I know we've had difficulties in the past, my dear representative. Letters have gone missing. Miscommunications on both our parts. Misdirections that have resulted in my application being turned down three times before being approved. But could you find it in your heart, nay, in your very soul, to DO YOUR BLOODY JOB AND GIVE ME MY MONEY!?! Sorry, love, but the situation seems to call for all caps, lest my message of dire need be lost on you.

I know you can do it, darling. I know you have the knowledge and the ability within you. Seek it out. Look deep inside yourself, and you'll find it; a small glimmer of responsibility and compassion that will stir you to the call of duty, that will push you to your computer, cause you to pull up my file, and allocate the proper funding to my eagerly awaiting bank account. It's arms are outstretched, aching torturously to hold that money once more, to have itself filled orgasmically with the satisfying surge of the money transfer into its virgin depths. Will you leave my bank account so unsatisfied?

I believe in you, my darling one, my saviour. Ever shall I wait for the day that I can go to the store and buy margarine, and milk, and glorious, glorious english muffins. Ever shall I wait for when I can call Telus, smugly inform them that my debts have been paid, and they can return to overcharging me for their services, and sending letters of promised rebates to my home.

My stomach and I are depending on you.

Miss Black

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Miss Black also contributes to a David Anders/Sark site under the name Chaton Espion. Feel free to visit her there if you'd like to witness the terrifying depths of obsession.